Monday, February 21, 2011

A Reflection for the Past

As my wedding approaches next week, I think it is only natural that I have been reflecting alot on the past and how the lord has brought me to the place I am today. Without going into a self depreciating blog about how awful of a person I was, let me just say that I was saved by Gods grace and mercy alone, and without him I would be a lost sinner still depressed and living in the world.
I couldnt be happier in my life right now. I have a wonder church, a supporting family, an extremely beautiful daughter, and a godly fiance that will be my husband come next week. The lord opened up my eyes last year, and brought me out of the wilderness and into the light. All of my blessings that I have, all of the good that is in me, is because of the blood that was shed for me at calvary.
I just want to always remember that, and never start to think that I in any way "earned" where I am today. I dont want to ever get the illusion that my happiness is a result of the things that I have done, or the choices that I have made, because that is not the case nor never can be. Just a year ago I was in a very dark place, I was turning over every rock and opening every door looking for that happiness. I knew the whole time where to find it if I really wanted it, but I guess Im just the type of person that learns the hard way.
I should have known, after all my dad is a minister and I was raised in the church, knowing the truth from a young age, but yet I thought, as most kids do, that my way would bring me more happiness somehow.
I am just in awe of how low and dark I had to let my life get before I turned it over to the lord. After that "turning point" I fully gave my heart to the lord, faithfully attended church, actively sought after the holy ghost, and last August 26th, knelt at the alter of the church, God filled me with his spirit, just like he promised he would.
My entire life changed in that moment. I left so much at that alter that day. More than the addictions of nicotine, pills, and alcohol, I also left the years of built up anger and depression that had ruled my entire life. I gave my life to the lord and thank jesus that I have never been the same sense.
It has been lonely, the first few months were even hard for me and my new lifestyle. Everything had changed, from the way I talked to the way I dressed. My parenting style, my activities, and even my intrests. What made it so lonely was that my "friends" just continued life without me, as if I really wasnt there anymore. When really I was there all the time, just not interested in the things that used to occupy my time.
That is why I was so happy when the lord brought me my life mate. He is so much like me in his intrest, faith, behavior, believes, exc. I couldnt have asked for a better man to share my life with. It's funny how God knows exactly what we need, and when we need it.
So, next week I will marry my best friend, and we will embarke on the journey of life together. Even though we will be bringing two children from past relationships together to form one family, the fact that it is under God makes us one. I can't wait to see what the lord has in store for us and for me in the future.
~Jesus is lord~


  1. What a wonderful testimony! thank you for sharing it. I pray that your upcoming nuptials are wonderful and you will have every happiness together and every blessing from God.

    Love & Blessings